whats mine is his and whats his is mine. thats how the whole marriage thing works. we sacrifice. we grow. we change. we persevere. we pick each other back up. we lean on each other. we are one. we are together. a ying and yang.
i believe each of those are fair statements. i believe each of those is a right of passage for a partnership. all of those together allow a marriage to work. the children are not the reason that marriages work. to live together so you can see your children will not make your marriage work.
yet, this evening tyler said i should at least let him sleep on the couch. its not fair that he doesnt get to be with the kids. he shouldnt have to be outta his house - that btw he paid for all those years. he gave me a list of reasons that he should be here. not a single one was about me and us.
he missed that mark. i showed him that. i told him that. i drew a picture and highlighted it with fluorescent marker. he still didnt get it. i could have added a blinking neon arrow to and i dont think it would have helped him get it.
well i dont want to stay at my parents house.
so go to my aunts house and stay in her apartment.
but XXXXX
a reason for everything.
why is it a hard concept that i do not want him home until i can say - yes, i want to be married to this man for the rest of my life? i cant even say i want to be married to him at the end of the year. how is it fair for our children to have him come back home, only to have everything resurface? how is it fair to me? i dont want to do it anymore!!
i dont want to live with a person who has made it clear, over and over and over again some more, that he does not like me. i dont care if he is sorry that he exploded beyond explosions on monday. i dont care. monday was just one more day in a life that was miserable. so what if he is sorry. what does that mean anyway? according to the track record he has given me - im sorry = tell her whatever she wants to her so i dont have to listen to her mouth, crap she caught me screwing up, or the rare occurrence of okay maybe she actually has a point, but only this one time.
why should he get off so easy? why should he be allowed to come back into my heart right at this minute just because he misses his kids? his kids dont have anything to do with me as his wife except i gave birth to them.
once again, its still not about karisa but about "mom."
thanks for making me feel just like always tyler.
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Fuck him, darling. He is being a selfish prick. If he wants to see his kids, he can't pick them up and take them to the park for a few hours? He can't just come visit. It's THEIR home, and they have the right to have their responsible, selfless mother their with them. He should know that and accept that, and and do the right thing.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you're going through this. You don't deserve any of it. xx
Yes I know exactly what you mean. Kenny wanted to get back together so Jarrett would be able to say that his parents were still married to each other just like Kenny's parents. The problem being Kenny's parents hate each other. His dad has been cheating on his mom for at least half of their marriage. They didn't even talk to each other unless us and his brother and his family were over. He didn't want to work out our problems, he just wanted me to come back and have everything be back the way it was which was not what I wanted. I couldn't deal with the crap and his screwed up family any more and didn't see why I should.
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