the past that still haunts me

tonight im sad. i dont know why. i just know i miss my husband. what im missing hasnt been present for a long time but its really starting to set in that i may never get it back. i was looking at our wedding day dvd not so long ago and it made me cry. tyler was in the house with me at this point but i felt such sadness for us. i watched the couple on the screen and their was such love in our eyes. watching alex get married this weekend and seeing the joy that she felt made me remember. i remember that joy. i remember that complete happiness. i think at my wedding and reception i didnt stop smiling once. i was on a cloud so above nine.we were really best friends. i could and would talk to him about everything. we would stay up late just talking until we feel asleep. we would discuss our days, our make believe children, our future, the world, dinner, whatever. he was my everything.

when did it change for us? when did we go wrong? where was that moment in time that changed everything? i wonder if its possible to pin point that exact time in our lives when we changed the we to him and i? what good would that do though?
am i sad because reality is setting in? am i sad because im finally mourning what isnt? i thought i was doing that already. or at least had done that. maybe not. maybe ive been so angry lately and on the defensive about everything that has transpired in the last year or two that i havent been able to see anything else.
i know he talks about the old us. how he misses that. i do too. can you go back? is it possible to fix it? can it be fixed? or could we just be two people who got married at 21 and now they are 27 almost 28 and just not be compatible?
is compatibility with out work though? can you make it work when you are different people? can you work on something when the scars run deep? how do you heal the scars?